Searching for light in the night.

The guitars sit idle beside the drums , the room is silent. The studio is darkened, just like my heart.
Just two weeks ago my beautiful, healthy baby girl was active and playful inside her beautiful mommy, one-third of the way to the wonderful day of anticipation when we would welcome her to the world with big smiles and loving embraces. 12 days ago her heart stopped beating. Mine has not beat right ever since. I struggle through this haze for answers. I find myself bitter and angry.
   I wonder why the God I love would allow such a travesty. I wonder why the God I love would allow healthy children to be born to "born-losers". It's easy to point fingers in this valley of darkness.
It's easy to blame self and analyze whether my life actions have brought about the wrath of God.
It's hard to "Let go and let God". It's hard to find any logic behind this life altering event.
    It is however, when I look to Jesus and see the nail scars on His hands, that I am reminded of Gods amazing gift of ultimate love towards me and mankind. God willfully allowed His precious child to be beaten beyond recognition and nailed to a tree for the love of you and me. That's something that deserves my attention. That's something that sheds some light.. That's something that makes me long for that light at the end of the tunnel, that I am promised will be there in the end. If I walk in the way of love as He has called me to do, I will get to spend eternity in Heaven with God and will get to love my precious Daughter for a million years.
Oh how I long for that Light!